Snow white and the 40 dwarfs...
by Little green
Summary: Uh... This is a story I wrote with two friends one night. We wer young, we were on holidays, we were high on rapsberry juice. I'm sorry... Forgive me! ;_; This is pure insanity and a death fic (snickers) at that!!


Hello!!   
Here is a ficcie I wrote during the holidays with my two best friends : Jo-chan and V-chan (Who thinks that life sux today) We wrote it one night, and we were hyper... Insane, that's all I have to say...   
  
  
  
  


The holy disclaimer :   
NOT MINE!! REALLY!! Ask them!!

Jo-chan : She's poor!

V-chan : She wish... _Snickers_>   
  
  
  


Snow white and the 40 dwarfs.   
A great fairytale by Little green, Jo-chan (Achoo!) and V-chan (Life sux...)   
  
  
  
  
  


Once upon a tiiiime, in a land far away... Wait a minute! _Author goes and check_> 2200 km from Paris, Okay, not that far... Anyway, ONCE UPON A TIME, in a region called Djurdjura*, was a king, and that king had no wife, Uh, No! He had been married, but he had shot his wife after she... Uh, he, had given birth to their beloved daugh... Uh, son, because she talked too much (The wife). "Aaaah Duo..." King Heero sighed as he looked at the stars a fine evening, "I wish I hadn't shot you... Or at least, that you hadn't died, you BAKA!!" He yelled, shooting a unknown guy that happened to be there. Author : Hey!! Wait! You shot Zechs, you moron!!>

"Dear daddy... Are you alright?" A soft voice asked.

"Uh? Yeah Win..."

Author : HEERO!!! THE SCRIPT!!>

"Uh? Yes, SNOW WHITE."

"Okay dad..." O.o;

Ah, yes, I forgot about the whole snow white thing. So, you see, before being shot by his husband, queen Duo had given birth (Don't ask me how) to a charming child, who didn't look like her... Uh, his, parents, and that was fine by me! So, the child had a skin white like snow (Which was totally weird since they lived in the desert... Uhm, anyway!) and his... Uh... Her, ITS lips were vermeil like fresh blood (Because the queen had sliced a guy in his Deathscythe the day he discovered he was pregnant, and had wished to have a child with a skin white like the Wings of Heero's Gundam, with lips red like like fresh blood and hair dark like his Gundam.) Ok... The fairies had pretty f***ed up in the end, because the child had yellow hair... _Goes, grabs Quatre and dies his hair black_> Tada! Now my story can continue!! (Quatre : ;_;)

Well... The king was bored. I mean, REALLY bored. So he decided he would marry another queen, to have something to do. And he married an eviiiiiil person. (You know, marry somebody by the net is dangerous) and he found himself with a real b... Witch. The new queen truly hated Snow white, or Quatre, if you prefer, since he was a LOT younger than ... HER, and since he... Uh, she had caught him peeping through the keyhole during their wedding night...

Also, Queen Treize (Yes!) had a magical gundanium mirror which could tell when you were too fat or unspeakably foul, or if you were the most beautiful chick in the world and all. Everyday, the bad bad queen asked her mirror who was the most beautiful chick in the world and the mirror always answered that it was her. But one day...

"Mirrooooooor, mirrooooooor! Who's prettier than Sharon stone here?" Treize purred.

"Yoooooooouuuuuuu, your higness!" The pocket mirror answered.

"And who's the most beautiful chick in the world???" The queen asked, polishing his sharp nails.

"Snow white."

"Pardon?"

"Snow white."

"That must be an error or something!" The queen shouted, taking a toolbox to repair his mirror.

**************

"Now... An easy one! Who's the most beautiful chick in the world?"

"Snow white."

"..." -_-;

"... In the city?"

"Snow white."

"In the castle?"

"Snow white."

"In the room?"

"..."

The queen was pretty mad, to say the least. She immediatly called her two best knights, Tweedle dee and Tweedle dumb [Aka Hilde and Noin], and ordered them to take snow white in the desert, blow his head up and give him his heart, as a proof of the princess's death.

They did so, and they kidnap Quatre while he was playing his violin, gagged him and took him far in the desert. As Noin aimed at his head with a bazooka, he began to weep, and he was so damn kawai, that neither Noin, nor Hilde found the strenghth to pull the trigger. Still, they needed something to give to the queen.

"How about we catch a deer, and we take its heart?" Noin asked.

"You moron!! How are we gonna find a deer in the desert... No. We need a camel!"

* * *

  
_At the same moment..._

Wufei : Why do I have to walk in the middle of a f***ing desert with a f***ing camel costume??!!!

Author : Becuz' it serves the purpose of my story.   


* * *

As they were wandering, they found a camel!!

"INJUSTICE!!" The poor creature yelled as Hilde aimed and shot.

So they gave the heart to Queen Treize, who remarked that it was pretty big, but ate it nonetheless, with a bbq sauce.

Once alone in the desert, snow white walked and walked, until he found a tiny house, with a tiny door. He entered, there was along table with 40 bowls of chorba**, 40 bottles of Boulahouane wine, 40 tiny forks, etc...

"I'm so hungry!!" Quatre, huh, Snow white squeaked.

He approached one of the tiny bowls and took a spoonful of the delicious soup [Jo-chan : Yum!! I wuv chorba! / LG : Lei lei ya! stupid private joke>] Anyway! "Aaaarrrgghh!! It's too HOOOOTTT!!" Quatre bawled. After having drunk a glass of water to treat his poor lil' swollen tongue, he spotted the second bowl, and tasted it too. "Wouah!! It's soooo cold!!" He choked, spitting ice cubes. So, he decided to try to take a spoonful in the thir...

V-chan : QUATRE!!! STOP IT NOW!!

LG : We ARE NOT writing a remake of Goldilocks!!

Jo-chan : Try to imagine, if you taste the 40 bowls, you'll become fatter than Marlon Brando! and our story will be ruined!!

Quatre totally freaked out when he saw the authors pull out big sticks kindly provided by the ever loveable Cherry Blossom, and poison borrowed to Oracle's fic, and he quickly ran up the stairs, to find... A room.

Quatre - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

Authors - _Nerrrrrrrrvous_> There were 40 beds. No need to check.

Quatre - Okay...

Fine, so there was a kawai little room with 40 tiny beds... But it was a mess. There were red fezs thrown here and there, dirty and clean boxers could be found everywhere, along with soap barrs, Pjs, porn mags and chips bags. A sheer hovel.

Since Quatre wasn't the maid after all, and that he was very tired, he lied on a... uhm, on 17 beds, and slept.

Quatre - I'm not sleepy!

V-chan : Greenie baby... Retype this : "He slept SOUNDLY and DROOLED in a DISGUSTING MANNER!!!"

Quatre - Hey!!

Authors - _Glare_>

Ahem, yes! Later, the 40 dwarfs, which were actually 40 miniguanacs, but we really don't care, came back from the souk, where they had bought some cookies and butter to give to their grandma, who was sic...

Authors - CROSSOVER WARNING!!!

Uh... To give to their UNCLE, who was healthy, despite the fact that he needed butter and cookies. They entered their little thatched cottage (Jo-chan : Achoo! /LG : That wasn't even funny...) And they found that a mother f***er had touched their bowls and... Uh well, we'll spare you another pathetic crossover with goldilocks, so they DIDN'T peer at the containt of their bowls one after an other.

Authors - ABDUL!! Stop!!

Abdul - But it was my chorba!

Authors - Feel... Tired.

Anyway, they made to their room, but there was a traffic jam in the elevator because they were 40 and all.

V-chan : They had an elevator in their thatched cottage?? I thought there were stairs!

LG - _Sweatdrops_> There was an elevator, TOO.

Jo-chan - Uh?

Whatever!! When they reached the room. Oh surprise! Oh joy! Oh... Well. There was a gorgeous blonde asleep in their bed(s). But he hadn't cleaned the room. He could have, after all, he had eaten their food, lied on their bed, obviously read their porns... Wait a minute... Read their...

Authors - QUAAAAAAATRE!!!

Quatre - Me?

LG - I thought you were supposed to sleep!

Jo-chan - Not to j...

V-chan - _Covers her mouth, gesturing to the rating of the fic_> ...JUGGLE.

LG - anyway, we're going to punish you.

Quatre - O.O;;;

Authors - _Chat, chat.>_ Punishment acknowledged!!

Quatre - ??????

So, since in the Disney movie, snow white did the chores, washed the breeches, the dishes, the floor, cooked and all, Quatre did the same. (Jo-chan : She kissed the dwarfs, too!) Fine, he also kissed the 40 dwarfs! Basically, this sucked as much as being the target of his evil step-fa... Uh, mother. But one day, as Quatre was gone to pick up some mushrooms to try to poison the dwarfs and escape (LG - Mushroom... In the desert? / V-chan : Plot convenience! Don't ask!), Treize happened to make his daily 'mirror check'. You already know the stuff, the real matter is what the mirror answered.

V-chan : Ya wanna know? Read part two!!

LG - Wow!! Stay!!! She was kidding!! vO_O;v

Okay... So, basically the stupid mirror said : No, you aren't the prettiest, because snow white, who lives in the desert, is cooler than you, and he is younger and anyway, you have wrinkles, and your uniform sux and...

Treize - Par. Don?

Mirror - and you have a grey hair too...

Treize was completely disgusted and broke the mirror (Correction = SHOT the mirror). He went to his secret labs, where he dressed like an old woman, and prepared a magical poisened happy meal... He left to find Snow white and shove him the hamburger and the fries right down his throat, along with the magical (and free) toy. Since it's our story, he found him immediatly.

Treize (_lousy fake voice_) - Hello darling! Are you lost?

Quatre - _Shows his mushroom and his guide of the super-lethal-mushrooms in the world_> Uh... Is this an amanita?

Treize (_professional tone_) - No kid, this is a lemaris psilocybus.

Quatre - Does it kill?

Treize - Slower than an amanita, but more efficient, and it disappears in the system, so you're innocent.

Quatre - Cool...

Treize - How many people is it for?

Quatre - 40... Uh very small... Let's say 10!

Treize - 1 mushroom /pound, add sugar to kill the bitter aftertaste.

Quatre - _Beams_> Thanx m'am!!

Treize - By the way... Do you want a happy meal?

Since Quatre was a bit slow, no need to say that his destiny was scealed. he happily nodded, engulfed the happy meal and died. Just like that, he turned green, he fell and poof!

V-chan - Poof??

LG - Poof.

A few days later, the miniguanacs found him while taking a walk.

"Shit! Who's gonna do the cleaning now?!" Minirasheed shrieked.

"Miniabdul!!" Alll the others bawled.

No need to say that they didn't bother with the glass coffin and the rest. They just let him there.

V-chan - But... How is the prince supposed to kiss him and make it better? He's dead, and it's disgusting!!

Trowa - I've accepted to do many stupid things in your fics, but I'm NOT frenching a corpse!!

LG - You'll do as I say!!

Jo-chan - It's Quatre! Plus, you better proceed before the lil' desert beasts start to eat him because it will be worse in a few days.

Trowa - _Sweatdrops_> You three are sick.

So, let's go on. Prince Trowa happened to wander in that part of the desert when he spotted Quatre's figuure. He was kinda ill, because he had just run into the remnants of a camel, but approached nonetheless.

Authors - Don't look, just do it.

Trowa, who was afraid that Little green would write him in a lemon with Lady Une and Howard in her next fic, approached the beautiful, erm, almost, Snow white and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He wa slightly green, and purple too, but it doesn't matter because this is romantic and love will win all battles. Anyway! The second their lips touched, Snow white started to come back to normal, and he wasn't a corpse anymore, which was cool for Trowa since he had to marry him.

How it did end? There was a magnificent wedding, the dwarfs tried to break in but King Heero shot them, and he was happy, because it ahd been a while since he had had so much people to shoot. Queen Treize was tortured by the ghost of a certain camel who came and chanted 'JUSTICE' in his room., and eventually died of stress.

Quatre and Trowa were very happy and opened the door to a big bunch of steamy lemon fics, and they had lotsa kidz who were blond, and nobody could understand why, since Snow white had black hair, but well... Why not.

Authors - _Hide the bottle of hair dyer behind their back_> And it's...   
  
  


THE END!!   
  


* * *

  
All wa want to say is that we had fun writing this and hope you had fun reading it!   
Tell me what you think, pleez R&R!


End file.
